Saturday, October 30, 2010

The Gym Experience

Picture a woman going to the gym.

Before she goes, she realizes she must have an outfit to wear!

Preferably, it should be matching and really cute.

She swooshes her hair up into a nice ponytail, and dabs on a bit of mascara and lipgloss.

Afterall, she is going to workout, she must look presentable, people!

She arrives, and gets on the elliptical.

Obviously, she cannot work out too hard. She wouldn’t want to get sweaty!

She knows that she can call up her good friend and chat it up on the cell phone while she works out.

Isn’t working out made for multi-tasking??

At the end of her 30 minute workout, she only has a slight flush to her cheeks and she still looks as wonderful as when she walked in.

Now? I want you to picture the exact opposite.

Yea.

That opposite? Is me.

Sometimes I am floored by the differences between myself and my fellow gym going ladies.

They appear to be totally put together.

Me? Not so much.

Now that you have that woman in mind, I will describe myself.

Picture me, a half man-beast woman.

Why half man-beast?

Well, let me list the ways:

1. I am sweaty. I sweat everywhere. My face sweats. My armpits sweat. My legs sweat. My back sweats. My butt sweats. So basically, I hope youre getting the picture: mucho sweat is coming from Elizabeth. My clothing is soaked and mostly it looks like I peed on myself. Coolio.

2. I am really muscular. As such, I cannot get a workout from being all ‘floofy’ on the workout equipment. If I am going, I am going to work harder than the beefy man who is right next to me. Oh yes I CAN keep up with you, mister.


3. I am NOT about to arrive in anything that resembles something that matches. Workout outfits? Yea…sooo not going to happen.

4. I MIGHT put on a clean shirt. Might. And that same shirt may or may not have a hole in the armpit. Which I MIGHT have been too lazy to actually sew, so it is held precariously together by a series of strategically placed safety pins. MAYBE.


5. Makeup will not be worn while I am at the gym. People! I am there to work out! I am not at a beauty contest. Which of course ensures that I will probably be the woman walking around looking haggard. Which is why if you show up at my gym, you might find people running and screaming in terror as I walk by.

6. At the end of a workout? I reek. Serious reekage. I do not smell like flowers, or peaches, or anything resembling anything feminine. At all.


7. And to top it all off, I am so focused on my workout that if you look at me? I will probably be staring back at you with an angry look on my face. Take note that I am not actually angry, but I am just intense. So I probably scare small children. So what??

So next time you go to the gym and you see one of these ladies



Just remember, I am not one of them. Instead, if you want a good laugh, you can instead imagine me being just like this.

Photo Credit

A whole bunch of sweat. Sexy, right?? I know. My husband is a lucky man.





Monday, October 25, 2010

Manna Monday

Love.

I have been trying to wrap my mind around that word.

Trying to imagine how a God could so fully and completely love me, despite everything I really am.

I've been going back to the basics.

Just ruminating on the fact that God, with the power of just His words, spoke life and created everything that surrounds us;

The God that designed each animal, each and every plant;

The God that thought up how far away the sun had to be from earth that it would provide warmth and energy, but not singe us;

The God that created the night sky with its many different galaxies and stars;

The God that designed the intricate and complex inner workings of the human body;

Could care enough to send His son to die just for me.

And for you.

Why would He do that?

What type of intense love would cause Him to do that?

It is amazing to think about.

I have been trying to allow that Truth to wash over me.

During the times that I doubt myself.

During the times that I am not sure of anything,

I know there is a God who has a PERFECT love for us.

And made the ultimate sacrifice, just so that we could again be reunited with Him for eternity.

And the simplest thing we have to do??

Choose.

Choose Him.

Wow.

He DIED for us.

And all we have to do is choose?

That is some incredible love.

And I need that love.

Every.

Single.

Day.

A love that I know will never desert me.

A love that cares for me enough to not let me stay the same broken way that I am.

A love that is perfect.

And when I look into the faces of the people I serve each day?

I know that that same perfect love is extended to them too.

If they would only choose.

I see the brokenness, I see the pain.

I see the rawness in their emotions in their speech.

I feel like I just need to shout from the rooftops that even though they feel like no one loves them?

Their Creator, The One who designed every detail about them down to how many hairs they would have on their head, is so desperately in love with them.

That they don’t have to feel the intense loneliness anymore.

They don’t have to allow the excruciating pain from their past (or even present) to have rule in their life.

Instead, they can allow love to rule.

And that is really the message for all of us.

We can allow love to rule in our life.

We can choose to allow the pure and perfect love of a God who adores us to wash over us.

And speak Truth to our souls…

But we first have to choose.




**Looking for other Manna Monday posts? Click the Manna Monday link below this post.**

Thursday, October 21, 2010

My Dogs Had a Party

When we leave for work each day, we put our dogs in a joint huge cage.

When we first got the dogs, I hated this idea.

When I was growing up, we always just let our dog roam.

But this was before I got Nariz.

Nariz is a border collie mix and if you don't know anything about dogs, the Animal Planet ranks border collies as the ultimate smartest dog.

Which in some ways can be helpful.

Nariz knows over 100 commands, which can be a fun trick to show off to the neighbors.

Additionally, its almost like she communicates with us because she can demonstrate what she wants.

But it isn't always good that she is so smart.

Therefore we have to put them in a cage when we leave.

Sit back, and listen to a little story and you will find out why.

Yesterday, Brandon came home from work.

As soon as he walked in the door, he almost passed out.

He saw a black streak run past him and he thought it was a rat.

(Note that we have NEVER had a rat in our house. But apparently this was his first thought.)

But then it registered in his mind that that was his dog, Nariz.

Instantly, he starts to think back into his mind. He was thinking: "I KNOW I locked the dog cage. How in the world is Nariz out running around??"

He rounds the corner and this is what he sees:

Our other dog, Nala, rolling around on her back in an entire pile of shredded up trash. She was throwing the trash up into the air with her mouth and catching it while she laid on her back.

He said it resembled someone who was laying in a pile of money, throwing it all around yelling: "I'm rich!!!"

Like this person:

(Photo credit)

Apparently being 'rich' to a dog is throwing up piles of shredded up raw chicken packaging, newspaper shreds, and the label to a tuna can.

AWESOME.

So he freaks out on the dogs.

They get so scared (mostly because Brandon rarely EVER raises his voice) that Nariz goes and hides under the table and Nala presses herself next to the couch and makes the saddest eyes ever.

He said they didn't move from those spots for an entire hour and a half until I got home.

In case you were wondering what the damage looked like, here it is:




This is what their cage looked like before they escaped.



Apparently their plan included to jail break their cell. So somehow they popped the front cover off and ran out. To this day, I don't know how Nariz formulated this plan or even accomplished it. I know Nala couldn't have done it because she's not smart enough:):)


Here is Nariz cowering in shame under the table after she got caught and Brandon yelled at her.


Here is Nala pressed up against the couch acting depressed because she got caught. Normally her eyes are rounded. They look so squinty because she was sucking her ears so far back in shame that they pulled her eyes back too. Sad day, dog. Sad day. Maybe next time you shouldn't freaking shred garbage around the house!!


Here is the pile of garbage (or money in Nala's brain) that she was rolling around on her back in when Brandon got home. Delicious.


I know all of you are jealous and wish you had my dogs right now, right??

I know.

Yesterday? I didn't want to own my dogs either.

But I will say, the idea of Nala rolling around in her money did crack me up.

But only because I didn't have to clean it up. Brandon did that for us:)


Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Manna Monday (On a Wednesday)

I had full intentions of posting yesterday for Manna Monday (and actually, since I am posting this at 1230 am, it is technically Wednesday).

Yep, I am awesome.

Anyway.

I did not get to post for Manna Monday because my computer broke!

Really, it was all types of lovely and wonderful and I was pretty excited about the whole situation (read: I almost ripped my hair out and poked my eyeballs with a fork).

So now you get a Manna Monday post on a Wednesday.

YAY!

So here is what I really feel like I have been ruminating over recently:

Basically, I have been convicted lately of my covert sins.

It is so easy for me to not commit the ‘big sins’ (quotations because I don’t think any sin is a ‘big sin’ Sin is sin. Plain and simple. But it was easier to write it this way so you know what I was talking about).

I don’t want to murder.

I don’t want to commit adultery.

I don’t want to steal.

I don’t want to construct an idol.

I don’t want to worship any other God but the one true Living God.

Etc., etc. etc.

But what I have really been realizing recently is that often, I compromise.

Often, satan (being his buttface self [Yep, I sure did call satan a buttface. You’re welcome]) will tempt me in areas that I can see myself going in.

He knows he can’t get me to flat out commit certain sins, but he likes to see how far he can push me.

And little by little, I start to give in.

I tell myself that it is ‘ok’ and that ‘whatever, its not even a big deal.’

But one slip leads to the next.

And soon, even though I’m not committing the ‘murder’, I have hate in my heart and am holding a grudge.

And soon, even though I’m not constructing an actual stone ‘idol’, I am idolizing a certain lifestyle.

And soon, even though I only want to worship God, I start to ‘worship’ other things by devoting all my time, energy, and thoughts toward them.

A recent verse I read helped drive home the point for me.

James 4:17 Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins.

Often, I know I shouldn’t be having the hate in my heart, or feeling jealousy over what I don’t have, or putting all my time and energy into things that are only temporary anyway.

Yet I do them.

And in that?

I sin.

And what’s worse is that I pretend like I’m not sinning all along.

I pretend I’m doing great and things are wonderful.

When they are not.

Another verse I was reminded of:

Matthew 5:23-24 "Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.”

I think I try to come to God with my prayers, my ‘gift’ of worship, and I feel like I hit a wall.

I cant figure out why I don’t feel connected to him until I realize its that ‘concealed sin’ that is standing in the way.

And often it’s because I have sinned against someone or hold something in my heart against someone.

The Bible tells us to first, before we try to offer anything up to God, that we need to make amends with those in our lives who we have hurt.

And this is not the only case (the case of holding something against someone or someone holding something against you) where a change needs to happen before I can try to approach the Holy throne.

The Bible also says that if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive.

Often, if I have been building idols in my heart, or allowing jealousy to fester, I need to first confess it to Him.

Pretending like I haven’t been sinning doesn’t get me anywhere.

It simply makes me feel disconnected.

But if I am just honest enough with God to admit my covert sins, then He will be faithful enough to forgive me.

Every time.

So I encourage you, as I encourage myself to really seek out those ways that we’ve compromised.

We all have areas in our life that if we aren’t careful, we can become complacent over.

We can keep living as if we are wonderful people, knowing all along that beneath the surface, there is a disease festering.

And without tending to, the disease will only spread and continue to get worse.

And untreated disease within a body begins to consume it.

We need the Holy blood of Christ to cover our sins when we have made mistakes.

Only His blood carries the healing that we need when we are broken.



**Looking for other Manna Monday posts? Click on the Manna Monday link at the bottom.**

Sunday, October 17, 2010

I win!

PEOPLE!

Didn't I TELL you I was award winning???!!!

But for real, I did just receive an award from one of my faithful followers. Her name is Dawn and if you want, you can go check her out here.

So, the award I received was the Versatile Blogger award:




And looks like to accept this award, I have to tell you some junk about me.

You don't have to keep reading, I promise I won't be offended if I bore you to tears.

But here we go...

7 things to know about me:

7. My second and third toe are semi-webbed. Does it make me better at swimming? Maybe. I was a competitive swimmer in elementary and middle school and I was afterall amazing.

6. I am freakishly muscular for a girl. Granted, I still have my 'lady curves', but my calves? Yea. Super huge. Did I also arm wrestle guys in the past and win? Um, yes.

5. I love organic food. It is a semi-obsession. However any good that my love for organic food would've done is immediately counter-acted by my intense love for chocolate. LOVE.

4. I am convinced I am going to become wildly famous off my blog and make zillions of dollars. The whole world will know about me!! Just kidding. But I will admit that I do a little celebration dance every time I get a new follower. I love you guys!

3. I am a very eclectic person. One minute, I am very realistic and down to earth. The next minute? I am off floating in la-la land making airhead comments. I'm like the Forrest Gump of personalities. I am like a box of chocolates and you never know what you're going to get.

2. I secretly dream of writing an anonymous blog. I would put everything down in my brain that I think, but would never tell anyone in real life.

1. I am the woman you will see at grocery stores and other random places dressed in her pajamas, with greasy hair, and no makeup because I think it is all types of appropriate to go places looking like that. Does that make me lazy? Maybe. Probably. Do I care? Absolutely not. I think the natural-cavewoman look is sooo in these days:):)

And there you have it folks.

Thanks again for the award, Dawn!



Thursday, October 14, 2010

You Know You're Exhausted When...

Welcome, my friends.

To what, you might ask?

To my own little game.

Its called: “You Know Youre Exhausted When…”

Its great fun.

Here it goes:

“You Know You’re Exhausted When…”

10. Your eyeballs close involuntarily and you fall asleep while you are supposed to be talking face to face with someone.

9. You totally blank on your schedule and show up unannounced at an appointment that you never had in the first place.

8. You can’t remember one single thing you did the previous day. Heck, you can remember one single thing you did the previous HOUR.

7. You forget to put on underwear and walk out of the house feeling a little…breezy…

6. You plead and beg to have your husband carry you everywhere just so you won’t have to make the effort of getting up and walking. Example: “Brandon, can you PLEASE just carry me to the shower and dump me there?? You can turn on the water and eventually I might actually stand up.”

5. You put your hairbrush inside the refrigerator and then are convinced someone stole it. You find it later after you give up searching. It was next to the milk. Delicious.

4. You can’t wake up to your alarm. Despite the fact that you have TWO alarms set. And they are blaring in your ear. You still don’t wake up.

3. You have had the same ‘To Do’ list for the past month. Hmmm…I guess that list wasn’t so important afterall.

2. You drive the totally wrong direction to work. And don’t realize it until ½ hour later when you are in the completely wrong destination. You are obviously late for work.

And finally….

The ultimate way that KNOW that you are exhausted is when….

1. You seriously consider wearing a Depends diaper while you do homework just so you can avoid having to make the effort of getting up off the couch to go to the bathroom.

I have reached a new ‘low’ people.

For real.


Monday, October 11, 2010

Manna Monday

Yesterday, I went on a car trip with the dogs and my husband to the grocery store.

And I watched my dogs.

I watched how extremely excited they got to jump in the car.

And every person we passed, they were exceptionally interested in.

And every new smell in the air, they were fascinated by.

These things really got me thinking.

These animals really can reveal a lot about how we should live.

I know, weird, right? But stick with me.

They seem to take such joy in such mundane activities.

When we come home from work, they are the happiest ever. They live in the moment and just enjoy that their masters are home to see them.

Each time they eat, they seem to savor every bite and enjoy it.

When they play, they do it with such reckless abandon, just having the best time of their lives.

And when they love, they love unconditionally, no matter if you’ve hurt them before or not.

These dogs really reveal a lot of how I believe we should live.

Taking joy in every single daily situation, just being grateful to the Lord for giving us another breath in our lungs.

Everything is so uncomplicated with dogs.

They just live life.

Why can’t I do same?

Even if life can be difficult, does that mean it can’t be enjoyed??

Afterall, was it not James who urged us all to consider it PURE JOY when we faced trials? Because we know that the trials are testing our faith and refining us.

When is the last time I considered a trial a pure joy?

Ummmm….

(crickets chirp)

And when is the last time I just did something with reckless abandon and enjoyed myself fully?

I’m not even sure because I get so caught up in daily life or what other people would THINK (I mean, good gracious, what if someone thought I was weird or radical!?! That would surely be the end of the world, right?)…

What would it be like if I loved (truly) unconditionally? Even if someone hurts me multiple times, loving them.

And not loving them with just an ‘I love you feeling’, but loving them by sacrificing for them.

Back to the dog analogy, think about when you are sad.

Does your dog not come over, leave their own carefree life, just to come comfort you?

They don’t think twice about it.

They simply feel that you are in pain, and come to comfort you with a lack of consideration that they are leaving their happy oblivion to enter into your situation.

What if when we saw people’s pain, we acted? We didn’t pretend like we don’t know or don’t care, but came to comfort them and bring them the joy of Christ?

I really truly think we would transform the image of Christianity if we started to love like those who are innocent do (such as animals and children).

I think this is what Christ was getting at anyway when he said in Matthew 18:3 that “I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.”

Obviously we don’t need to actually BECOME children, but become innocent and filled with faith like children.

So much can be revealed if we would just take the time to observe how those untainted by ‘adult experiences’ live.

And then choose to take on their perspective…




(Interested in other Manna Monday posts? Click on the 'Manna Monday' link below this post)

Yes, You are Beautiful

I have a beef to pick.

Not only with women, but with celebrities.

I was listening to the Bruno Mars song the other day Just the Way You Are.(Haven't heard it? Go listen, then come back.)

I really love this song because Bruno talks about how much he thinks the girl he is love with is so great.

He talks about how perfect he thinks she is and how she never believes him when he tells her.

Well, I would be lying if I didn’t have times where I didn’t believe my husband when he said he thought I was beautiful or an amazing woman.

And do you know why?

Because women are petty and Hollywood makes us all feel half-crazy about ourselves.

Let’s start with the women are petty comment.

I feel like you can walk into almost any circle of women, and what is the first thing that happens?

You are judged.

You are judged by your makeup, your clothing, your hair, your body, your style, your flaws, your perfections, etc.

It’s a rough time.

If you are amazingly beautiful, immediately women are jealous and start to pick you apart. They look for any small imperfection so that they can feel better about themselves.

If you are not so physically beautiful, you are also judged. Other women feel better about themselves because they look better than you in x, y, z areas.

You can’t win!!

And don’t lie, women.

We have all done it.

Which is where my beef with Hollywood comes in.

I often have thought that the reason why we are so petty is because we are held to impossible standards.

We are expected to look like airbrushed celebrities who are not only anorexic-looking (blech), but who are always made up by professionals who literally spend HOURS at a time just on their face or their hair.

Wow.

I’m sure I’d look fantastic if I had someone spending hours on my appearance too.

But honestly, things aren’t going to change unless we change them.

If the men in our lives can see us as beautiful creatures, why can’t we look at one another with less judgmental stares so that no one has to feel bad about themselves??

Afterall, we were all created by God to be beautiful and our individual traits are what make us unique!

I think we all need to take a good look inside ourselves to see what it is that makes us judge other women so harshly in our brains anyway.

Something is broken inside if we cannot feel confident in ourselves without putting someone else down.

And then, once we figure that out and work on that, we need to make a conscious effort to compliment women on how great they look in x, y, z area.

Because by complimenting them, maybe they will do the same for us.

And maybe we can all stop walking around being self-conscious freaks who are all jealous of one another, and instead be supportive of all of our own uniqueness.

And also?

Beauty is much more pronounced when it comes from the inside anyway.



Saturday, October 9, 2010

Another wound? Really???

Yesterday I almost chopped my hand off.

I know you are all so surprised, given this blog post I wrote about all my catastrophes.

But this time it wasn’t my fault.

You see, my crazy little black dog (Nariz) HATES getting her toenails cut.

HATES IT.

So, naturally I cut the yellow dog’s nails first. She is all cooperative and wonderful.

And then I get to Nariz.

I try to allow her to stand on her own while I cut.

She is all squirmy and growly, so then I have to flip her over onto my lap where she is laying on her back and I have access to her toenails.

That lasts for about 2 cuts, and then she’s all squirmy and growly again.

I get a few more toes in, and then it happens.

I go to cut her nail and she yanks away so quickly that my hands slips and….I freaking CHOP my hand with the nail cutters.

And these aren’t normal nail clippers.

No, no, no.

These are the really expensive, really sharp ones.

You see, we used to have the ‘el cheapo’ version of dog nail clippers.

But seeing that Nariz hates it so much, we had to get something that worked really well so that her toes would be cut in one slice and we wouldn’t have to fight her so much.

Well that’s all grand and great if you’re cutting a dog toenail.

But then what happens when those extra sharp toenail clippers slip and slice a human’s hand?

Well, you end up with a super deep gash.

That is bleeding everywhere.

But of course, you realize that you won’t be able to get the dog pinned down long enough again to cut her toes, so you scream for your husband to “freaking get his butt in here!!”

He has no idea you’ve been cut, and doesn’t know what you want, but you are immediately grouchy that he can’t read your mind.

Finally you give in and tell him you want him to hold the dog so you can cut her stupid fingernails and then nurse your wound.

He is then grouchy that you yelled at him for no reason.

You are still grouchy that you are in pain so you don’t care that he is grouchy.

You both hold down the dumb dog to try to cut her nails. She of course tried to bite the nail clippers on several occasions and the other dog has shoved her face in the way so she could check out what was going on.

Yes, thank you, yellow dog. That is very helpful. Please just be another obstacle to cutting black dog’s nails. You are wonderful.

Finally you get the dog’s nails cut.

And you go to the backroom to disinfect and put 1000 bandaids on your wound.

And then tell you husband you are mortally wounded and therefore can’t POSSIBLY do the dishes because you don’t want to get water in your cut.

So he does them.

I guess the day was victorious in the end…After all, I did convince my husband to do dishes:):)



Thursday, October 7, 2010

Trying Not To Drop It

You guys ever seen the movie She’s All That?

Remember, it was that movie with Freddie Prinze Jr. (Zack) and Rachael Leigh Cook (Laney) about the nerdy girl Laney who ends up dating popular guy Zack?

Anyway.

That isn’t even what this post is about.

Except, one scene in that movie keeps playing over and over in my mind.

Remember how much pressure Zack’s dad kept putting on him to choose a college? He was so smart and he knew he had to choose, but he couldn’t.

So what did he do? Well, the same thing any of us rational beings would do. He played hacky sack on a stage as a performance and chanted to himself: ‘Don’t drop it, Zack! You’re life depends on it. Everyone is counting on you. Don’t drop the hackey sack!!’

Wait, maybe the rest of us WOULDN’T do that.

Anyway. If you have no freaking idea what I’m talking about, you can go here and watch it. Then come back.

So the point is, even though the scene is weird, it is the scene that just keeps going through my brain over and over again.

The balancing act he has to perform is really reminding me a lot of my life.

I feel like there is so much pressure on me at all times.

I have pressure to do well at my masters.

I have pressure to get all of my papers and research done on time.

I have pressure to do well at my practicum.

I have pressure to be responsible and do well at my job.

I have pressure to be a good wife (which is self-imposed, by the way).

I have pressure to remember all of my schedule changes that come up daily.

I have pressure to make sure that the interventions I am doing with kids are actually effective.

The list could go on…

But the problem is, I have so much pressure building up, I am just waiting for something to drop.

For something to happen which is just going to blow the whole thing open and reveal to everyone that I couldn’t handle all of my responsibilities.

And I keep picturing this hacky scene.

Eventually, the hacky sack has to drop.

That’s the same thing with being overburdened. When every day is a fight to stay awake or even stay on top of all my responsibilities, at some point I am going to forget to do one of them.

And I am going to have to decide how I am going to react.

I recognize that with my plate so full? Not everything can be stellar all the time.

So what am I going to do when something finally drops?

I’m not sure.

But I’m hoping that whatever it is? It’s not too life altering.

Because honestly, that would just add another layer of stress and worry to the already overwhelming cycle.

Which would just be wonderful.

Not.


Sunday, October 3, 2010

I would Like Some Braised Lamb, Please.

There’s not much about the Hollywood life that I ever would desire.

I don’t care about money.

I don’t care about fame.

I don’t want paparazzi following me around.

I don’t want to have to try to hide just to go to the grocery.

I want to be able to walk around in my sweats and no makeup without having the world judge me.

I don’t want to be obsessive about my weight and image.

I don’t need the fancy houses.

I don’t need the fancy cars.

I don’t want the world trying to dig up all my business.

I don’t want special treatment.

But I will say this…

IF I were famous, there are a few luxuries I REALLY would like.

For example, if I were ever famous, the first item on my list of things to get?

A freaking personal chef.

Can you imagine how glorious that would be??

Someone to cook gourmet meals for you for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

A.M.A.Z.I.N.G.

I was just reading on people.com the other day about how Martha Stewart tweeted about how her chef had made braised lamb with roasted vegetables for dinner that evening and how delicious it was.

Where the freak are my braised lamb and roasted vegetables???

I tell you what, people.

I could get used to that.

However, of course, the other thing I would want if I was famous?

A personal trainer.

Not only to work off all the food that my gourmet chef was cooking me (I don’t want to be obese, after all!), but also because they could come drag me out of bed at 6 am to work out.

Because people?

I am never going to drag MYSELF out of bed at 6 am.

Yea right.

Buttttt, if I was paying someone to do it?

Then obviously I would get up because they were at my house in my face yelling at me to get my lazy butt out of bed to work out.

Ahhhh…the life.

But I guess considering the fact that I have negative amounts of desire to be famous?

I will somehow have to come up with my own gourmet meals.

And motivate my own butt to get out of bed at 6am to work out.

Since clearly I am never going to be able to afford to pay these people to perform these amazing services for me.

Sigh.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Brain Fart

Sometimes, I am just brain dead.

The idea will cross my mind that I should probably write a blog post, but then? I realize I have absolutely no inspiration.

Why? Because all of my brain cells have been used up. There is no creativity. There is nothing but emptiness.

I am always baffled/amazed/disgusted/amazed again at people who post every. single. day. on their blog.

Where do these people come up with these things?

I started a blog because I have had all these wonderful, glorious, amazing thoughts I wanted to write down.

But now that I have this blog? Total brain fart.

I feel like brain farts are equitable to dog farts.

Often times you’ll just be sitting around living your life, and then BAM, they just sneak up on you. All creepily and stinkily.

Therefore, here I am. With my young blog. And nothing to say. Just a dog-brain fart.

I am extremely cool (read: extra lame), just currently out of thoughts.

Hmmmm…. (twiddle my thumbs…bite my nails…get exasperated…)

I guess you’ll just have to check in again later for something that will blow your socks off with all of my wisdom and amazingness.

I hope.


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