Call Centers Are Just Awesome

I hate call centers.

I don’t hate the people who work in them, because I know that they are just trying to work at their job, but I really hate the centers.

Want to know what I hate even more?

Automated systems that you have to go through first to even get to the call center.

Want to read a recollection of my conversation today? Here it is, for your reading pleasure…


Robot man: “Hello! And thank you for calling [unnamed business]. Please say or enter your 16 digit account number.”

Me: “9999-9999-9999-9999” (you didn’t think I’d actually put a real account number on here, did you?)

Robotman: “Did you say: 9999-8888-3029-2000?”

Me: No.

Robotman: “Please say or re-enter your account number.”

Me: (Sllooowwwlllyyy) 9999-9999-9999-9999

Robotman: “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that. Could you please enter your 16 digit account number.”

Me: “Oh my frick.”

Robotman: I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that. Could you please enter your 16 digit account number.”

Me: “ 9 - 9 -9 -9 -9 -9 -9 -9 -9 -9 -9 -9 -9 -9 -9 -9 -9”

Robotman: “Did you say 9999-9999-9999-9999?”

Me: Yes.

Robotman: “Ok, how can I help you today? You may say something like: “I need to pay my bill” or “I want internet services.”

Me: I want to talk to customer service.

Robotman: “No problem! I will transfer you to billing.”

Me: I did NOT say billing! I want to talk to customer service!!!!

Robotman: “I’m sorry, we are currently experiencing high call volumes right now. Your wait may be extraordinarily long so you should call back during Wednesday through Friday for assistance.”

Me (to myself since stupid Robotman can’t understand me anyway): I do NOT need help on Wednesday through Friday. I need help NOW. That is why I am calling NOW.

15 minutes later…

Actual human: “Hello, billing department! May I have your account number please?”

Me (thinking… “Don’t you already have that? Why did I have to tell the robot man my account number 50x if you weren’t going to use it???”) : Sure, it’s 9999-9999-9999-9999.

Actual person: “Ok, what can we do for you today?”

Me: I need to talk to customer service, but I got transferred to you instead.

Actual person: “Ok, no problem, let me transfer you there.”

15 minutes later…

Heavily Accented Actual Person: “Hello, customer service! May I have your account number please?”

Me: Sure, why not. 9999-9999-9999-9999

Heavily Accented Actual Person: “What can I help you with today?”

Me: What?

Heavily Accented Actual Person: “What can I help you with today?”

Me: Oh! What can you help me with today! Um, well, I need to change my services because I am being charged more than I am supposed to be charged.

Heavily Accented Actual Person: “I’m sorry, I couldn’t understand you.”

Me: What?

Heavily Accented Actual Person: “I’m sorry, I couldn’t understand what you said.”

Me: What?

Heavily Accented Actual Person: “Could you repeat that?”

Me: Sure. I need to change my services because I am being charged more than I am supposed to be charged.

Heavily Accented Actual Person: “Ok, no problem. Here are your options: sllskdjnifeofj slldkjiewow sowoeijfjfoeoeisjowijflfl.

Me: I’m sorry, I couldn’t understand what you said (as I laugh awkwardly because I’m not sure what to do at this point.)

Heavily Accented Actual Person: “OK, here are your options: slslslkekeejwjwjl slslkwkwjsflflkwjw wlwllkjfjfjkfkf

Me: Ok, thanks so much for your help! I think I’ll just call back later.

Heavily Accented Actual Person: “Ok thanks for calling [unnamed business].

Me: What?


And THAT, my friends, was the biggest waste of time of my life. I still haven’t found enough patience to call back yet.

I know it wasn’t the heavily accented person’s fault that I couldn’t understand them, and I know they just need a job just like anyone else who needs a job! But is it possible to provide them a job somewhere else in the company? Because people? On a customer service line? Individuals with accents that are strong enough that it impedes understanding are not very helpful if the customers you are trying to help do not understand them. Just sayin.