Have you (or anyone you know) ever said that "Jesus Was Just a Good Moral Man, not God"? Well, ya'll, there is a FATAL flaw with this statement! You have GOT to watch my video, peeps, to find out what it is. This is BY FAR my favorite video I've made so far in this series!!!!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=soZZXrOrr0s (Feel free to share this video with anyone else who might be interested in evaluating the facts! :)

Ya'll. I have been missing for about 50 billion years from this blog. I kindaaaaa forgot I even had a blog. FAIL. However, this is so typical of me. Again, you are reading a blog called "permanently at lunch" so you can't be toooooo surprised, amirite? :) Anyway. Sometimes this world seems so freaking crazy. People have QUESTIONS. What type of questions? Well, things like “Was he just a good man?” “Or was he God?” “Was he a lunatic?” HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW????!!!!!! We are talking about Jesus, of course. There is little question that he actually lived. But miracles? Rising from the dead? Some of the stories you might hear about him sound just like that—stories. You might say to yourself, a reasonable person would never believe them, let alone the claim that he’s the only way to God. BUT, a reasonable person would also make SURE that he/she understood the facts before jumping to conclusions. If you truly value your mind—if you truly value facts—if you truly want to evaluate the information, then please watch this series I am doing. And since you know I am goofy as crap and you know me personally, I pray you will just give it a quick watch. No shaming. Just literally talking to you. With all my weird quirkiness and eccentricities hanging out for all to see. I am presenting information from Lee Strobel, a Yale Law School Educated, award-winning investigative journalist at Chicago Tribune who decided to dig up information about Jesus and his life. He began the journey as a hardened skeptic and atheist. But how does he end up after studying the facts? Was he able to find any real evidence for Jesus’ existence and/or God-hood? Don’t you owe it to yourself to actually find out the truth? By the end of his TWO-freaking-YEAR investigation, he personally concludes that it would actually require much more faith for an atheist to maintain atheism than it would to trust in Jesus. I believe he is right, especially after studying the facts. What will you conclude? Lets hang out (online, of course, as you all know I am up to my ears in kids at this point, so if we did it in real life, lots of screaming and poop would happen [by the kids, of course. Unless you plan on screaming and getting poopy. I hope not.]) Strobel interviewed thirteen leading scholars and authorities, asking the tough questions about Jesus and the biblical narrative of his life. Let’s find out what he discovered along the way… (Note: This is a SERIES…so you gotta be patient, peeps, while I make each video. Rome wasn’t built in a day. Especially not with little people hanging on their legs all day. :) The video I have linked today is my 1st video which addresses if Jesus himself thought he was God, or if others made that up about him. I have also already completed an intro video and a subsequent video which addresses the following: Was Jesus Just A Moral Man? How Do We Know? Was he Just A Good Teacher? God? Check out today;s video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TT1NYffZqQ8

Ya'll. I have been missing for about 50 billion years from this blog. I kindaaaaa forgot I even had a blog. FAIL. However, this is so typical of me. Again, you are reading a blog called "permanently at lunch" so you can't be toooooo surprised, amirite? :) Anyway. Sometimes this world seems so freaking crazy. People have QUESTIONS. What type of questions? Well, things like “Was he just a good man?” “Or was he God?” “Was he a lunatic?” HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW????!!!!!! We are talking about Jesus, of course. There is little question that he actually lived. But miracles? Rising from the dead? Some of the stories you might hear about him sound just like that—stories. You might say to yourself, a reasonable person would never believe them, let alone the claim that he’s the only way to God. BUT, a reasonable person would also make SURE that he/she understood the facts before jumping to conclusions. If you truly value your mind—if you truly value facts—if you truly want to evaluate the information, then please watch this series I am doing. And since you know I am goofy as crap and you know me personally, I pray you will just give it a quick watch. No shaming. Just literally talking to you. With all my weird quirkiness and eccentricities hanging out for all to see. I am presenting information from Lee Strobel, a Yale Law School Educated, award-winning investigative journalist at Chicago Tribune who decided to dig up information about Jesus and his life. He began the journey as a hardened skeptic and atheist. But how does he end up after studying the facts? Was he able to find any real evidence for Jesus’ existence and/or God-hood? Don’t you owe it to yourself to actually find out the truth? By the end of his TWO-freaking-YEAR investigation, he personally concludes that it would actually require much more faith for an atheist to maintain atheism than it would to trust in Jesus. I believe he is right, especially after studying the facts. What will you conclude? Lets hang out (online, of course, as you all know I am up to my ears in kids at this point, so if we did it in real life, lots of screaming and poop would happen [by the kids, of course. Unless you plan on screaming and getting poopy. I hope not.]) Strobel interviewed thirteen leading scholars and authorities, asking the tough questions about Jesus and the biblical narrative of his life. Let’s find out what he discovered along the way… (Note: This is a SERIES…so you gotta be patient, peeps, while I make each video. Rome wasn’t built in a day. Especially not with little people hanging on their legs all day. :) The video I have linked today is my 1st video which addresses if Jesus himself thought he was God, or if others made that up about him. I have also already completed an intro video and a subsequent video which addresses the following: Was Jesus Just A Moral Man? How Do We Know? Was he Just A Good Teacher? God? Check out today's video here:

Flair for the Dramatic

I don’t know if you’ve gathered this or not yet, but I can have a bit of a flair for the dramatic.

Sometimes, when things change, I can be all ZOMGoodness!, I’M DYING!

Right.

Anyhoo.

This pretty much carries over into every aspect of my life. I can’t figure out if I am dramatic because it adds a certain degree of spiciness to life, or if I am somehow hardwired to catastrophize every situation.

I will let you know once I figure this trash out.

Back to the subject at hand.

I shared the other day that we are adopting (Or rather, opening ourselves up to adoption, and the timing will be left up to the Lord).

Anyway.

As time creeps onward, my dramatic self rears its head.

My mind starts to go crazy:

“What if I never get another moment alone to myself?”

“What if I can’t ever go out to eat again?”

“What if I can’t ever buy myself something again?”

So…I have been justifying doing crazy actions (Does this surprise you? It should not.)

For example:

I bought an entire bag of Cadbury mini easter eggs and ate them by myself over the course of two days. Why? I figured I would never be able to eat something alone ever again. So, classically, I went overboard and ate them all. This makes sense to a rational person, I am sure.

I bought myself two new pairs of pants. Why? I just knew I could never buy myself clothes again because I would buy all the clothes for the kids (This also is rational. Clearly.)

I stayed up until 2:00am. Why? I knew I would have to go to bed early with the kids, so my rebellious self rose up inside me and told me stay up. Did I regret this decision? Yes. I was a zombie the next day at work. And a grouch, too.

Now, while I recognize that I will have to do some cut-backs on my spending, it is not as melodramatic as my crazy brain convinces me it will be.

However, apparently, my husband has caught the same “Oh-my-gosh-we’re-going-to-be-parents-soon” bug too, because he just came home with matching iPhones for us. He said it was necessary as we wouldn’t be able to make any more big purchases after this time.

So somehow I am going to have to reign both of us in. But until I figure out how to do that, I will be here. With my Cadbury eggs. Hoarding them to myself. While calling someone on my new iPhone.

Bizarre People Crack Me Up

Having kids--It’s a weird thing. But not in the sense that you are thinking.

I am thinking more about the weird behaviors of those surrounding the people about to have children.

I have noticed several things about pregnant women.

#1 People think that your personal space no longer is yours. They feel as if they can come up to you at any point and start rubbing your stomach. This is extremely awkward.

Sometimes when I see people being awkward? I like to make the situation even more awkward.

For example: I work with a woman who is pregnant right now. So…people come up to her all the time to rub her stomach. Especially working at a school, many of the kids feel like they can touch you whenever they want.

Therefore, when a 15 year old 8th grader walked up to my teacher-pregnant-friend and rubbed her stomach? I decided I was going to rub the 15 year olds stomach. Without her permission.

She hasn’t rubbed my pregnant friend’s stomach again. :)

(Disclaimer: I do have a good relationship with this kid, and so it wasn’t *as* awkward as it could’ve been. But it DID get my point across!)

Anyway.

Back to my list:

#2 People think that they should give you weird unsolicited advice.

My guess is? The pregnant person would ask for your advice if they wanted it.

And my personal favorite…

#3 People decide to tell pregnant women their HORROR birth stories. Like: “Do you know that when I was in labor, I was in labor for 57 days and at the end I birthed a unicorn zombie child who looked like a troll??”

Pregnant Lady: “Uhhh…Ok?”

So, you might be wondering why I am talking about all of this ‘other-people-weird-behavior-when-someone-is-having-kids’ topic.

Because people are just as weird to you when you are adopting.

Case in point:

The other day I was sharing with someone that my husband and I really felt called to adopt and that we were moving forward with the process.

Do you know their response?

“Oh my goodness! Are you SURE you want to do that? I had a friend who adopted, and when their kids grew up, they MURDERED their adopted parents!!”

How am I supposed to respond to that?

“Um. Thanks? I’m pretty sure that only happens to about 0.0000037% if the adopted population. But thanks for the positive and uplifting story??”

People are bizarre.

For real.

Insanity.

My mom and sister came into town to visit us this past weekend.

As you know, I own two dogs. The yellow one and the black one. My black dog is extremely energetic, while the yellow one mostly lays around in a lazy haze all the time.

My sister also owns two dogs. Her dogs are pretty similar to mine. The first is a golden retriever. Which, it were even possible, is even lazier than my yellow dog.

But also? She owns a golden doodle. I think it would be calmly understated to say that the dog acts like it is jacked up on methamphetamines all the time.

Let me give you an example of how our weekends go when the dog is around.
(P.S. Her dog’s name is Dolce. And my yellow, calm dog’s name is Nala. Keep that in mind.
P.S.S. Dolce is a large male who is the most un-masculine dog ever. His bark and cry is about 30 decibels higher than the sound of nails on a chalkboard)

Me: Hey Sarah! I’m so glad you’re here! Welcome to our… DOLCE! No! Down! Get Down!

Dolce: Cry cry cry cry cry .

Me: How was your trip?

Sarah: Oh, it was good. DOLCE! Stop! Come here!

Dolce: Cry cry cry cry cry.

Me: How long did it take you? DOLCE! Stop licking Nala’s butthole!

Dolce: Cry cry cry cry cry. (Licks Nala’s butthole some more.)

Sarah: It took about 3 hours.

Me: Oh, good. Are you hungry? DOLCE! Stop licking Nala’s hoojoo (aka my word for her private area)

Dolce: Cry cry cry cry cry. (Comes over and jumps up on me because I told him “no”)

Sarah: Yes, I could eat. DOLCE. Seriously, dog. Stop.

Dolce: Cry cry cry cry cry. (Jump on Sarah because she told him ‘no’.)

Meanwhile, the other dogs lay around calmly, acting like nothing is going on. We all settle into catching up. However, while my sister, mom, and husband can all ignore Dolce’s crazy actions, somehow I am unable to block him out.

So here is the rest of the evening:

Sarah: How is your job?

Me: Oh it’s good. DOLCE! If you don’t stop licking my dog’s butt I am going to kill you!

Dolce: Cry cry cry cry cry.

Sarah: Here, I’ll hold him over here so he will stop crying.

Dolce: Cry cry cry cry cry (His thoughts: if only I could get back over to Nala to lick her butt, life would be grand)

Me: How’s your job? DOLCE! Stop crying!

Sarah: Good.

Dolce: Cry cry cry cry cry.

Me: Why don’t you get this dumb dog neutered? Maybe then he would stop being so obsessed with Nala!

Dolce: Cry cry cry cry cry

Sarah: Because I think he acts like that because he has some dog form of obsessive compulsive disorder or possibly ADHD.

Dolce: Cry cry cry cry cry

Me: Well, you need to get him some Ritalin!

Dolce: Cry cry cry cry cry cry (Yes! I escaped! First item of business? Licking Nala’s butthole! Oh no, she raised her teeth at me! What does this mean? It must means she likes it! I am going to lick her butt again! Oh no! She attacked me? What does this mean? It must mean she loves me! I love you too Nala! Let me lick your ear!)

Me: DOLCE! STOP LICKING NALA!

Dolce: Cry cry cry cry cry

You might be thinking to yourself: Why do they continue to keep such an insane dog?

Well, he is adorable. And sweet. And I guess that trumps that fact that he is a total moron.




See? All four dogs. Dolce is the one in the sweatshirt. It supposedly helps calm him down. I am convinced that nothing short of a brain transplant will do such a thing.

I'm Finally Back!

Annndddd….rigghhhhhttt. So, HEY! How are you? I’m just grand. I am going to pretend like I haven’t just disappeared off the map for OVER A YEAR.

Wow. I didn’t realize I was that bad.

OOPS.

Anyhoo!

You are probably wondering if I died.

I did not.

You might’ve wondered if I contracted a creepy disease.

I did not.

Or…you might’ve wondered if graduate school finally killed me.

It did. But eventually, I guess I came back to life at some point.

So…where do I start?

I can’t believe I have neglected my poor little blog for so long.

On the upside? I logged into my account today and realized I had written 70 posts before I disappeared. That impressed me a little bit.

Also? I started to read some of my old posts. And cracked myself up. So that’s always positive. At least I make myself laugh, even if no one else laughs along with me. :)

So, what have I been up to you might ask?

Well, here’s a quick rundown of my past year:

1. I finished graduate school! WAHOOOO!! That was probably the most difficult time of my whole entire life, and we will just leave it at that because, hello, this is not a depressing blog.

2. I developed an unhealthy obsession with drinking lattes after my husband bought me an espresso machine for Christmas.

3. I noticed weird spots on my teeth from drinking so many lattes. So, I whitened my teeth back to their normal state with those handy dandy Crest Whitestrips. And…then had to stop drinking my lattes. My vanity won out over my desire to drink lattes. BOO.

4. I got a new job with my new education! Now I work in a low income, high needs school with kindergarten through 8th grade kids. And I love them.

5. Brandon and I are working on writing a book together! “WHAT?”, you might say. I know, it’s crazy. We’ll just pretend that that is the reason I took such a freakishly long haitus from this blog.

6. Brandon and I are in the process of adopting. Another: “WAHOO!”

7. I had to buy “old people shoes” because my back started to hurt from standing up all day. Who am I these days? I have chosen hideous style so I could have comfortability. I have officially crossed over into Lameville.

So see…not everything was doom and gloom around here. Despite my intense burn-out phase after grad school and resulting “I hate school and work” phase, everything else has been good.

My husband is still outrageously handsome and awesome.

I still think I am hilarious and crack myself up.

I continue to believe my two dogs are my children.

And…despite my long break, I still do want to blog.

So people! Welcome me back! Because the FUNNNNN has ARRRRIVVVVEDDDDD . Again. (*clears throat*)

Meh.

I am quite possibly the world’s worst blogger.

When I started this blog, I had grand dreams of magical posts I would make all the time.

Yea…

Those dreams flew out the window.

I apparently was extremely delusional this last summer (when I started this thing).

I think I had forgotten temporarily how crazy busy the semesters are in grad school.

And then I started this year, and clearly the blog posts have been…sparse.

Lo siento, people. Lo siento.

Anyway. I think once I graduate (In only a mere 12 weeks! That’s right, 12 WEEKS and I will be a masters graduate. PRAISE THE LORD!!!!!) , I will be better at posting.

I will probably start Manna Monday up again, and I will definitely begin telling all the wonderfully crazy stories of my life too.

In the meantime, I guess you will have to just be patient with me and my sparseness, as I don’t really see me getting motivation to write more anytime soon.

Does this motivate you to keep reading my blog? Probably not.

Man, maybe I should lie to you.

PEOPLE! I AM GOING TO WRITE EVERY DAY! ITS GOING TO BE GREAT!

Don’t believe it? Well, crap. Neither do I.

I do know that in a week or so, I will have a quite entertaining story for you.

So stay tuned!

More entertainment is coming your way...

In Sickness and In Health

Sickness.

Ahhh, what a glorious thing.

I got back from a 2 week vacation to be welcomed home to a disgusting flu. Was this not exactly why my last post talked about wearing a SARS mask? Exactly.

I had a fever for 3 straight days, and have been lying in bed wasting away for the past 6 days with a deathly and racking cough. YAY! PARTY AT MY HOUSE!

I am under no delusions that I do not look like a homeless and dying rat at this point.

I really do feel bad for my poor husband.

For the past 6 days, he has been welcomed to the overwhelming stank of sickness mixed with greasy hair and overall grossness.

Now if he isn’t attracted to me at this point, I just cannot understand what is problem is!

Come on, people.

Dark circles? Greasy hair? Stank of 11 horses? The makings of a beauty queen.

I am really quite appealing.

Anyway.

I had some time to think in my sickened state.

My husband has been working so hard lately. He hasn’t been able to come home until around 7:30pm, or 8:00pm.

Now, my husband is a teacher. That means his school dismisses at 4:00pm and he has been working 12-13 hour days.

So why the late hours?

Well, afterschool he has graciously decided to tutor several of the students who are falling behind.

Why? Because he’s amazing. And also there’s a cash bonus…that always helps:O)

But also, the state’s annual testing of the kids is coming up soon too.

That means he has to prepare additional lesson plans to the ones he is already writing.

This makes for very long evenings, and a very tired husband.

As I have been sick, I have really been unable to put one foot in front of the other so even though he has had late evenings, I haven’t been much of a support.

As soon as my husband got home yesterday, he literally collapsed on the couch and didn’t move for hours.

So I decided to kick my own rear into gear. I got my freaking sick, coughing, stanky butt up and decided I was going to be a servant like Christ was.

I knew that Brandon wouldn’t cook anything because he’s too tired, so I whipped up a meal.

I may have coughed all over it, but at least he had something to eat!!

I encourage all of you to do the same. Do something servant-like for your spouse today.

It won’t necessarily be easy, but that is why it is called ‘service’.

Service requires you to leave ‘you’ out of the picture, and focus totally on someone else.

And so for me? I did that yesterday. I haven’t quite accomplished the same feats today…but here’s to hoping I will…

Yesterday, I took my vows seriously to love in sickness and in health.

Because who ever said that just because you were the sick one didn’t mean you didn’t have to continue to truly sacrificially love the other person?

The SARS Lady

So we are traveling to Florida for Christmas this year.

My sister lives in Florida with her husband and has lived there for 5 years.

However, for the past 5 years, she has traveled to Ohio (and us as well) to visit my mom.

Well this year she proclaimed that we needed to come to her home, instead.

We agreed that possibly it has been unfair up until this point.

So what is the point of this story (besides just to ramble), you ask?

Well, we are flying.

Now generally, I am not afraid of flights.

Despite the crashes you hear in the news, I am not terrified that my plane is going to get highjacked.

Nor do I think it is going to explode in the air and crash to the earth.

I also don’t think it is going to have a failed engine and again crash to the earth.

Do you know what my fear is?

Getting sick.

I have mentioned my germaphobia before.

If you are an avid reader, you know this.

If you are not? You suck. And also? You are way behind on my germaphobic ways.

ANYWAY.

Planes severely gross me out.

I mean severely.

You have to sit in these nasty fabric seats where thousands have gone before.

Don’t tell me someone hasn’t splashed their vomit onto the seat before as they puked from being motion sick.

And I guarantee someone has sneezed lots of boogers and disgusting germs all over them too.

I can also guarantee that the people who clean the planes are not steam cleaning the seats.

So where does that leave us?

In germ heaven.

Not only that, but you are stuck in a plane with nasty sick people.

They are all coughy and sneezy, and you are breathing in all their recycled air.

Blech.

Make me barf.

The worst part?

My theory of the plane being a septic system of germs is totally confirmed every time I travel.

Why?

Because every. single. time., I get sick.

Every time, people.

So I casually mention this fact to Brandon.

This is then followed by my solution: I will simply wear a germ mask on the plane!

Genius, people! Genius!

Brandon’s response?

“You CANNOT do that, Elizabeth! People are going to think you have SARS!”

He goes on to explain that there is no way on earth he is going to be seen with the SARS lady and that if I choose to wear this mask, he is going to change his seat.

I wish he were kidding…

Sigh.

What am I supposed to do people??

I have no other choice!

I can either wear mask and have people running, screaming, and crying from the plane because they think I have SARS…

Or, I can spend Christmas sick.

I guess you might hear some running, screaming, and crying because I am SOOO wearing that mask.

I so am, people.

I am NOT going to spend Christmas sick.

Manna Monday

Hello there people out there in blog world.

I hope you all had a fantabulous Thanksgiving filled with, well, thanks.

Duh.

Ours was wonderful as we traveled to my home city to visit my amazing mother…love that woman.

Anyhoo.

Over break Brandon mentioned to me that I have been a slackerface (yep, he SOOO used that term [those of you who know Brandon know I am lying. A lot. He would never use that term]) with this blog. He then declared that he would write some things on the days that I slack off.

I agreed.

He was shocked. But I was serious. He is a great writer who is insightful, hilarious, and all around awesome.

So blog people?

If you notice I am missing and all of a sudden my husband shows up in my place? You’ll know why. He is picking up my slack for me.

Anyway.

Welcome back to another edition of Manna Monday.

It’s been awhile.

Life has a way of taking me away from leisurely activities (such as blogging), so even though I wanted to be writing? Not possible.

So here I am finally again on a Manna Monday.

And what is today’s topic?

Genuine fruit.

When I have longer times to actually think instead of just function like a robot, then I really get a good look at myself.

This break I was able to see several areas of my life that I am really ashamed of.

Sometimes I pass of my bluntness as ‘OK’ because afterall, I am being honest, right?

But is that really right?

And sometimes I think that it is ‘OK’ to be impatient because afterall, I have very important things to do.

But this (among many other things) are disheartening to me.

Why?

Because it is bad fruit. Matthew chapter 7 discusses the tree.

When you look at the trunk of an apple tree without apples on it, would you know it was an apple tree?

How about a pear tree. Would you know it was a pear tree if there were no pears on it?

I know I wouldn’t.

It is the fruit that grows on the tree that proclaims what type of tree it is.

In fact, once the fruit grows, it is painfully obvious what you are looking at.

Our own lives are just like that.

The ‘fruit’ we bear, or the actions that we portray to others are our fruit.

When we have the ‘fruits’ of the Spirit, such as patience and gentleness, kindness and self control, we are showing the God’s Spirit lives in us.

It is living so vibrantly inside that we are growing that fruit and showing it to the world.

But when we let bitterness, selfishness, anger, unkindness, etc. fester inside us, it is like a disease.

Instead of good fruit, rotten fruit will start to grow.

We will no longer be the juicy, ripe fruit that people want.

We will be the fruit that will make them sick if they have it.

If you put a rotten piece of fruit on top of a good piece of fruit, what will eventually happen?

The mold that is on the bad fruit will pass over to the good fruit and make it bad too.


The bad fruit we bear will start to rot those around us if we aren’t careful and we will affect their Spiritual life as well.

Instead, I want to be that person that is so full of the Spirit, my good fruit is alive and well and attracts those around me to it.

They will want to know how they can have what I have.

They will want to know Christ.





**Looking for other Manna Monday posts? Click the 'manna monday' link right below this post.**

Newlyweds??

In the beginning of this week Brandon and I decided to go to some church event.

It was a chili cook off and we went to mingle with people, make some new friends, and eat some delicious chili.

Turns out there really wasn’t that much delicious chili there. There were 6 pots, and only 1 of those pots was actually delicious.

But we sure did have a fun time cracking up as one of us would cough unceasingly after we tried one pot that had so much spice in it we couldn’t breathe.

And then another pot that was so sweet it could’ve been candy.

And then one more pot that was so gross I couldn’t even swallow the bite.

In the meantime, there were a few people sitting around us, apparently watching us.

One guy asked: “How long have you guys been married?”

I replied: “3 years, but we’ve been together for 7 years.”

He said: “Oh. Wow. I really thought you guys were newlyweds. Wow. You really act like newlyweds.”

And it really got me thinking.

Brandon and I never really focus on the fact that we still act like newlyweds…but we do.

We are all lovey and goofy with each other.

We make each other laugh, and smile, and make each other genuinely happy.

And it just reminded me that I really do plan on acting like this with him the rest of my life.

I want to be 80 and still having people thinking we act like newlyweds.

Why?

Because I love my husband.

I will always love my husband.

He will always be the man who was created just for me, and I will always be grateful to God for that perfect gift.

And no, that is not to say that we are perfect. We have our annoyances with one another just like any other couple.

But mostly?

We just have fun; enjoy being married; and love each other with an everlasting love.

So Brandon, I love you. Will you be my newlywed husband for forever????:):):)

Inside Skin and Other Things

I have been somewhat M.I.A.

Why?

Well, life has gotten super stressful around here.

Wait a minute, isn’t life always stressful over here?

Yes. Buttttt, recently it has been even more stressful. So therefore I have been M.I.A.

Good news for you is that while I’ve been gone, I’ve been collecting funny quotes from kids that I know.

So in a grand re-entrance into the blog world after a two week absence, here they are…


Quote 1:

Me talking to J (kid I babysit) while I am doing dishes, hoping he will want to join me in doing dishes too: “Hey J, do you want a job?”

J: No, not really.

Me: Come on, you know you want a job.

J: No, because I’m not ready to go to work. I’m still in school for crying out loud!




Quote 2:

Background---I am being goofy about how great I am…


Me: You know J, I am really the best babysitter ever. I help you put away your laundry, I cook you dinner, I help you clean your room. Just admit it, I am an amazing babysitter!

J: Ok, yea, you’re cool.

Me: Exactly! I mean, what would people DO without a babysitter??

J: They would probably cry.



Apparently all the children out there who don’t have babysitters are weeping uncontrollably as we speak



Quote 3:

Background---I am making a bagel and cream cheese for a snack for myself.

J: Can I have a bagel too?

Me: Sure. Come and make it.

J: What?? Aren’t you going to make it?

Me: No. You can make your own. You need to be more independent.

J: “I cant believe this! I thought I had maid service around here!”


He’ s only nine! How does he think of these things??




Quote 4:

Me: J, did you know that I lived in Spain my senior year of college?

J: NO! Cool!

Me: Yea, and in Spain they use the words Tio and Tia (literally translating to aunt and uncle) to refer to their friends. It roughly is like calling someone “pal” or “dude” here in the U.S.

J: Oh man! I imagine myself one day on Broadway walking down the street saying: “Hi Tio, Hi Tia!”

Me: Ok… what?? So random, J! So random. But I am glad you are going to be on Broadway. I like your aspirations…




Quote 5:

(This is from a kid that Brandon teaches at school)

Kid: Mr. B, I have a cut, can I go to the nurse?

Brandon: Let me come see the cut….(kid shows cut) Umm, no. It doesn’t even look that bad.

Kid: But Mr. B, I really need to go get a Bandaid.

Brandon: And like I said, no you can’t go.

Kid (whiny and dramatic): But Mr. B, YOU CAN SEE MY ‘INSIDE SKIN’!!!


I think 'inside skin' is a pretty technical term. Science teachers everywhere should start using it.




Quote 6: (From another kid in Brandon’s class)

Background: Brandon runs into one of his kids at the grocery store…


Kid: Hey, Mr. B!

Brandon: Hey [kid]!

Kid: Wow Mr. B, you look A LOT uglier without your teacher clothes on.

Brandon: Wow, thanks for the compliment…




Quote 7: (From a kid I work with at school)

Kid: You know, I have to take the running test tomorrow.

Me: Oh yea?

Kid: Yea, I’m like the fastest in the class because I’m so little.

Me: Yea, I can see that. You probably only have like 3% body fat.

Kid: What does that mean?

(I go on to explain how there are minimum amounts of body fat that each person has to have to survive. I then explain how women have more fat, and one of the reasons is that they bear children and their extra fat helps keep the baby warm).

Kid: Oh yea! My mom has TONS of fat on her belly! I must’ve been soo warm!

Me:…Ummm (thinking, oh crap!!)….ummm…yea, you can’t really say that about your mom.

Kid: But…but you just said that it was a good thing to have the extra fat!

Me: Yea, but you just can’t say that. Women are sensitive about their weight.

Kid: ?????



Hope you enjoyed those and they brought a smile to your day!

Manna Monday

Interesting, isn’t it?

That the things that seem to concern the heart of God the most are some of the most neglected by the church.

What do I mean?

Well, the widows, orphans, and foreigners.

In fact, many times throughout Scripture these three groups are targeted as specifically venerable and groups that move the heart of God.

Want some examples?:

Zechariah 7:10 “Do not oppress widows, orphans, foreigners, and the poor. And do not scheme against each other.” (New Living Translation)

James 1:7 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. (New International Version)

Isaiah 1:17 learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow (New International Version)

Tell me, when was the last time your church had a heart for foster children? Are they not the ‘orphans’ of America? What about homeless children who are right down the road from you?

Here in the U.S alone there are 1 million homeless children. Beyond that, there are seven hundred thousand children in foster care Does your church even care?

And lets think about the widows. Often, this translates to the elderly population. How much respect is given to elderly? Are they revered, or are they treated as if they are ‘slower’ and as if they haven’t lived at least twice as many years as you have??

Immigrants? What about them? Who in your church is reaching out to these individuals? Who is helping them when care is not available?

My point is, as the body of Christ, we really are lacking in the areas that God has called specific attention to over and over in the Bible.

Can I share with you why I feel that He has called us to minister specifically to these?

Because they are some of the most vulnerable among us.

Orphans are without parents to care for them and often have unpredictable lives.

Widows have lost their spouse who was most likely a financial, emotional, physical, and relational support for them.

Immigrants are in a foreign land with strange customs and possible language barriers. Often, they are alone and trying to make their way without help.

And is the Lord not concerned with the weak and weary?

I believe He is.

I was speaking with my mother the other day and she was saying that she heard from a pastor in a sermon a certain statistic she wanted to pass along.

The statistic stated the following: “If every church across the U.S. just had ONE family in the each church adopt ONE child, that would take care of every single child in need of adoption today.”

I looked it up, and he appears to be correct. According to the most recent statistics (taken in 2009), 700,000 were in foster care. Of those, 115,000 are currently awaiting adoption through foster care (US Dept of Health and Human Services, 2010).

The Hartford Institute for Religion Research (2006) states that there are approximately 322,000 Christian churches in the U.S.
Therefore, there are more than enough churches to adopt.

And yet how many are pushing for this?

How many are fighting for the rights of orphans, widows, and immigrants?

I know many are.

But also, many aren’t.

How will this change?

If we, the body of Christ, start to push for congregations that look much closer to the heart of God than they do.

My specific church does a great job with ministering to immigrants, however we are lacking in our efforts for widows and orphans.

What about yours?

Do some research, and see what is being done.

And beyond this, what are YOU doing?

Are you reaching out to these vulnerable populations?

Just something to think about

The church would be a lot more welcoming if it looked more like Christ and less like people...



**Looking for other Manna Monday posts? Click the Manna Monday link at the bottom of this post.**

The Gym Experience

Picture a woman going to the gym.

Before she goes, she realizes she must have an outfit to wear!

Preferably, it should be matching and really cute.

She swooshes her hair up into a nice ponytail, and dabs on a bit of mascara and lipgloss.

Afterall, she is going to workout, she must look presentable, people!

She arrives, and gets on the elliptical.

Obviously, she cannot work out too hard. She wouldn’t want to get sweaty!

She knows that she can call up her good friend and chat it up on the cell phone while she works out.

Isn’t working out made for multi-tasking??

At the end of her 30 minute workout, she only has a slight flush to her cheeks and she still looks as wonderful as when she walked in.

Now? I want you to picture the exact opposite.

Yea.

That opposite? Is me.

Sometimes I am floored by the differences between myself and my fellow gym going ladies.

They appear to be totally put together.

Me? Not so much.

Now that you have that woman in mind, I will describe myself.

Picture me, a half man-beast woman.

Why half man-beast?

Well, let me list the ways:

1. I am sweaty. I sweat everywhere. My face sweats. My armpits sweat. My legs sweat. My back sweats. My butt sweats. So basically, I hope youre getting the picture: mucho sweat is coming from Elizabeth. My clothing is soaked and mostly it looks like I peed on myself. Coolio.

2. I am really muscular. As such, I cannot get a workout from being all ‘floofy’ on the workout equipment. If I am going, I am going to work harder than the beefy man who is right next to me. Oh yes I CAN keep up with you, mister.


3. I am NOT about to arrive in anything that resembles something that matches. Workout outfits? Yea…sooo not going to happen.

4. I MIGHT put on a clean shirt. Might. And that same shirt may or may not have a hole in the armpit. Which I MIGHT have been too lazy to actually sew, so it is held precariously together by a series of strategically placed safety pins. MAYBE.


5. Makeup will not be worn while I am at the gym. People! I am there to work out! I am not at a beauty contest. Which of course ensures that I will probably be the woman walking around looking haggard. Which is why if you show up at my gym, you might find people running and screaming in terror as I walk by.

6. At the end of a workout? I reek. Serious reekage. I do not smell like flowers, or peaches, or anything resembling anything feminine. At all.


7. And to top it all off, I am so focused on my workout that if you look at me? I will probably be staring back at you with an angry look on my face. Take note that I am not actually angry, but I am just intense. So I probably scare small children. So what??

So next time you go to the gym and you see one of these ladies



Just remember, I am not one of them. Instead, if you want a good laugh, you can instead imagine me being just like this.

Photo Credit

A whole bunch of sweat. Sexy, right?? I know. My husband is a lucky man.

Manna Monday

Love.

I have been trying to wrap my mind around that word.

Trying to imagine how a God could so fully and completely love me, despite everything I really am.

I've been going back to the basics.

Just ruminating on the fact that God, with the power of just His words, spoke life and created everything that surrounds us;

The God that designed each animal, each and every plant;

The God that thought up how far away the sun had to be from earth that it would provide warmth and energy, but not singe us;

The God that created the night sky with its many different galaxies and stars;

The God that designed the intricate and complex inner workings of the human body;

Could care enough to send His son to die just for me.

And for you.

Why would He do that?

What type of intense love would cause Him to do that?

It is amazing to think about.

I have been trying to allow that Truth to wash over me.

During the times that I doubt myself.

During the times that I am not sure of anything,

I know there is a God who has a PERFECT love for us.

And made the ultimate sacrifice, just so that we could again be reunited with Him for eternity.

And the simplest thing we have to do??

Choose.

Choose Him.

Wow.

He DIED for us.

And all we have to do is choose?

That is some incredible love.

And I need that love.

Every.

Single.

Day.

A love that I know will never desert me.

A love that cares for me enough to not let me stay the same broken way that I am.

A love that is perfect.

And when I look into the faces of the people I serve each day?

I know that that same perfect love is extended to them too.

If they would only choose.

I see the brokenness, I see the pain.

I see the rawness in their emotions in their speech.

I feel like I just need to shout from the rooftops that even though they feel like no one loves them?

Their Creator, The One who designed every detail about them down to how many hairs they would have on their head, is so desperately in love with them.

That they don’t have to feel the intense loneliness anymore.

They don’t have to allow the excruciating pain from their past (or even present) to have rule in their life.

Instead, they can allow love to rule.

And that is really the message for all of us.

We can allow love to rule in our life.

We can choose to allow the pure and perfect love of a God who adores us to wash over us.

And speak Truth to our souls…

But we first have to choose.




**Looking for other Manna Monday posts? Click the Manna Monday link below this post.**

My Dogs Had a Party

When we leave for work each day, we put our dogs in a joint huge cage.

When we first got the dogs, I hated this idea.

When I was growing up, we always just let our dog roam.

But this was before I got Nariz.

Nariz is a border collie mix and if you don't know anything about dogs, the Animal Planet ranks border collies as the ultimate smartest dog.

Which in some ways can be helpful.

Nariz knows over 100 commands, which can be a fun trick to show off to the neighbors.

Additionally, its almost like she communicates with us because she can demonstrate what she wants.

But it isn't always good that she is so smart.

Therefore we have to put them in a cage when we leave.

Sit back, and listen to a little story and you will find out why.

Yesterday, Brandon came home from work.

As soon as he walked in the door, he almost passed out.

He saw a black streak run past him and he thought it was a rat.

(Note that we have NEVER had a rat in our house. But apparently this was his first thought.)

But then it registered in his mind that that was his dog, Nariz.

Instantly, he starts to think back into his mind. He was thinking: "I KNOW I locked the dog cage. How in the world is Nariz out running around??"

He rounds the corner and this is what he sees:

Our other dog, Nala, rolling around on her back in an entire pile of shredded up trash. She was throwing the trash up into the air with her mouth and catching it while she laid on her back.

He said it resembled someone who was laying in a pile of money, throwing it all around yelling: "I'm rich!!!"

Like this person:

(Photo credit)

Apparently being 'rich' to a dog is throwing up piles of shredded up raw chicken packaging, newspaper shreds, and the label to a tuna can.

AWESOME.

So he freaks out on the dogs.

They get so scared (mostly because Brandon rarely EVER raises his voice) that Nariz goes and hides under the table and Nala presses herself next to the couch and makes the saddest eyes ever.

He said they didn't move from those spots for an entire hour and a half until I got home.

In case you were wondering what the damage looked like, here it is:




This is what their cage looked like before they escaped.



Apparently their plan included to jail break their cell. So somehow they popped the front cover off and ran out. To this day, I don't know how Nariz formulated this plan or even accomplished it. I know Nala couldn't have done it because she's not smart enough:):)


Here is Nariz cowering in shame under the table after she got caught and Brandon yelled at her.


Here is Nala pressed up against the couch acting depressed because she got caught. Normally her eyes are rounded. They look so squinty because she was sucking her ears so far back in shame that they pulled her eyes back too. Sad day, dog. Sad day. Maybe next time you shouldn't freaking shred garbage around the house!!


Here is the pile of garbage (or money in Nala's brain) that she was rolling around on her back in when Brandon got home. Delicious.


I know all of you are jealous and wish you had my dogs right now, right??

I know.

Yesterday? I didn't want to own my dogs either.

But I will say, the idea of Nala rolling around in her money did crack me up.

But only because I didn't have to clean it up. Brandon did that for us:)

Manna Monday (On a Wednesday)

I had full intentions of posting yesterday for Manna Monday (and actually, since I am posting this at 1230 am, it is technically Wednesday).

Yep, I am awesome.

Anyway.

I did not get to post for Manna Monday because my computer broke!

Really, it was all types of lovely and wonderful and I was pretty excited about the whole situation (read: I almost ripped my hair out and poked my eyeballs with a fork).

So now you get a Manna Monday post on a Wednesday.

YAY!

So here is what I really feel like I have been ruminating over recently:

Basically, I have been convicted lately of my covert sins.

It is so easy for me to not commit the ‘big sins’ (quotations because I don’t think any sin is a ‘big sin’ Sin is sin. Plain and simple. But it was easier to write it this way so you know what I was talking about).

I don’t want to murder.

I don’t want to commit adultery.

I don’t want to steal.

I don’t want to construct an idol.

I don’t want to worship any other God but the one true Living God.

Etc., etc. etc.

But what I have really been realizing recently is that often, I compromise.

Often, satan (being his buttface self [Yep, I sure did call satan a buttface. You’re welcome]) will tempt me in areas that I can see myself going in.

He knows he can’t get me to flat out commit certain sins, but he likes to see how far he can push me.

And little by little, I start to give in.

I tell myself that it is ‘ok’ and that ‘whatever, its not even a big deal.’

But one slip leads to the next.

And soon, even though I’m not committing the ‘murder’, I have hate in my heart and am holding a grudge.

And soon, even though I’m not constructing an actual stone ‘idol’, I am idolizing a certain lifestyle.

And soon, even though I only want to worship God, I start to ‘worship’ other things by devoting all my time, energy, and thoughts toward them.

A recent verse I read helped drive home the point for me.

James 4:17 Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins.

Often, I know I shouldn’t be having the hate in my heart, or feeling jealousy over what I don’t have, or putting all my time and energy into things that are only temporary anyway.

Yet I do them.

And in that?

I sin.

And what’s worse is that I pretend like I’m not sinning all along.

I pretend I’m doing great and things are wonderful.

When they are not.

Another verse I was reminded of:

Matthew 5:23-24 "Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.”

I think I try to come to God with my prayers, my ‘gift’ of worship, and I feel like I hit a wall.

I cant figure out why I don’t feel connected to him until I realize its that ‘concealed sin’ that is standing in the way.

And often it’s because I have sinned against someone or hold something in my heart against someone.

The Bible tells us to first, before we try to offer anything up to God, that we need to make amends with those in our lives who we have hurt.

And this is not the only case (the case of holding something against someone or someone holding something against you) where a change needs to happen before I can try to approach the Holy throne.

The Bible also says that if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive.

Often, if I have been building idols in my heart, or allowing jealousy to fester, I need to first confess it to Him.

Pretending like I haven’t been sinning doesn’t get me anywhere.

It simply makes me feel disconnected.

But if I am just honest enough with God to admit my covert sins, then He will be faithful enough to forgive me.

Every time.

So I encourage you, as I encourage myself to really seek out those ways that we’ve compromised.

We all have areas in our life that if we aren’t careful, we can become complacent over.

We can keep living as if we are wonderful people, knowing all along that beneath the surface, there is a disease festering.

And without tending to, the disease will only spread and continue to get worse.

And untreated disease within a body begins to consume it.

We need the Holy blood of Christ to cover our sins when we have made mistakes.

Only His blood carries the healing that we need when we are broken.



**Looking for other Manna Monday posts? Click on the Manna Monday link at the bottom.**

I win!

PEOPLE!

Didn't I TELL you I was award winning???!!!

But for real, I did just receive an award from one of my faithful followers. Her name is Dawn and if you want, you can go check her out here.

So, the award I received was the Versatile Blogger award:




And looks like to accept this award, I have to tell you some junk about me.

You don't have to keep reading, I promise I won't be offended if I bore you to tears.

But here we go...

7 things to know about me:

7. My second and third toe are semi-webbed. Does it make me better at swimming? Maybe. I was a competitive swimmer in elementary and middle school and I was afterall amazing.

6. I am freakishly muscular for a girl. Granted, I still have my 'lady curves', but my calves? Yea. Super huge. Did I also arm wrestle guys in the past and win? Um, yes.

5. I love organic food. It is a semi-obsession. However any good that my love for organic food would've done is immediately counter-acted by my intense love for chocolate. LOVE.

4. I am convinced I am going to become wildly famous off my blog and make zillions of dollars. The whole world will know about me!! Just kidding. But I will admit that I do a little celebration dance every time I get a new follower. I love you guys!

3. I am a very eclectic person. One minute, I am very realistic and down to earth. The next minute? I am off floating in la-la land making airhead comments. I'm like the Forrest Gump of personalities. I am like a box of chocolates and you never know what you're going to get.

2. I secretly dream of writing an anonymous blog. I would put everything down in my brain that I think, but would never tell anyone in real life.

1. I am the woman you will see at grocery stores and other random places dressed in her pajamas, with greasy hair, and no makeup because I think it is all types of appropriate to go places looking like that. Does that make me lazy? Maybe. Probably. Do I care? Absolutely not. I think the natural-cavewoman look is sooo in these days:):)

And there you have it folks.

Thanks again for the award, Dawn!

You Know You're Exhausted When...

Welcome, my friends.

To what, you might ask?

To my own little game.

Its called: “You Know Youre Exhausted When…”

Its great fun.

Here it goes:

“You Know You’re Exhausted When…”

10. Your eyeballs close involuntarily and you fall asleep while you are supposed to be talking face to face with someone.

9. You totally blank on your schedule and show up unannounced at an appointment that you never had in the first place.

8. You can’t remember one single thing you did the previous day. Heck, you can remember one single thing you did the previous HOUR.

7. You forget to put on underwear and walk out of the house feeling a little…breezy…

6. You plead and beg to have your husband carry you everywhere just so you won’t have to make the effort of getting up and walking. Example: “Brandon, can you PLEASE just carry me to the shower and dump me there?? You can turn on the water and eventually I might actually stand up.”

5. You put your hairbrush inside the refrigerator and then are convinced someone stole it. You find it later after you give up searching. It was next to the milk. Delicious.

4. You can’t wake up to your alarm. Despite the fact that you have TWO alarms set. And they are blaring in your ear. You still don’t wake up.

3. You have had the same ‘To Do’ list for the past month. Hmmm…I guess that list wasn’t so important afterall.

2. You drive the totally wrong direction to work. And don’t realize it until ½ hour later when you are in the completely wrong destination. You are obviously late for work.

And finally….

The ultimate way that KNOW that you are exhausted is when….

1. You seriously consider wearing a Depends diaper while you do homework just so you can avoid having to make the effort of getting up off the couch to go to the bathroom.

I have reached a new ‘low’ people.

For real.