Sunday, November 14, 2010

Inside Skin and Other Things

I have been somewhat M.I.A.


Well, life has gotten super stressful around here.

Wait a minute, isn’t life always stressful over here?

Yes. Buttttt, recently it has been even more stressful. So therefore I have been M.I.A.

Good news for you is that while I’ve been gone, I’ve been collecting funny quotes from kids that I know.

So in a grand re-entrance into the blog world after a two week absence, here they are…

Quote 1:

Me talking to J (kid I babysit) while I am doing dishes, hoping he will want to join me in doing dishes too: “Hey J, do you want a job?”

J: No, not really.

Me: Come on, you know you want a job.

J: No, because I’m not ready to go to work. I’m still in school for crying out loud!

Quote 2:

Background---I am being goofy about how great I am…

Me: You know J, I am really the best babysitter ever. I help you put away your laundry, I cook you dinner, I help you clean your room. Just admit it, I am an amazing babysitter!

J: Ok, yea, you’re cool.

Me: Exactly! I mean, what would people DO without a babysitter??

J: They would probably cry.

Apparently all the children out there who don’t have babysitters are weeping uncontrollably as we speak

Quote 3:

Background---I am making a bagel and cream cheese for a snack for myself.

J: Can I have a bagel too?

Me: Sure. Come and make it.

J: What?? Aren’t you going to make it?

Me: No. You can make your own. You need to be more independent.

J: “I cant believe this! I thought I had maid service around here!”

He’ s only nine! How does he think of these things??

Quote 4:

Me: J, did you know that I lived in Spain my senior year of college?

J: NO! Cool!

Me: Yea, and in Spain they use the words Tio and Tia (literally translating to aunt and uncle) to refer to their friends. It roughly is like calling someone “pal” or “dude” here in the U.S.

J: Oh man! I imagine myself one day on Broadway walking down the street saying: “Hi Tio, Hi Tia!”

Me: Ok… what?? So random, J! So random. But I am glad you are going to be on Broadway. I like your aspirations…

Quote 5:

(This is from a kid that Brandon teaches at school)

Kid: Mr. B, I have a cut, can I go to the nurse?

Brandon: Let me come see the cut….(kid shows cut) Umm, no. It doesn’t even look that bad.

Kid: But Mr. B, I really need to go get a Bandaid.

Brandon: And like I said, no you can’t go.

Kid (whiny and dramatic): But Mr. B, YOU CAN SEE MY ‘INSIDE SKIN’!!!

I think 'inside skin' is a pretty technical term. Science teachers everywhere should start using it.

Quote 6:
(From another kid in Brandon’s class)

Background: Brandon runs into one of his kids at the grocery store…

Kid: Hey, Mr. B!

Brandon: Hey [kid]!

Kid: Wow Mr. B, you look A LOT uglier without your teacher clothes on.

Brandon: Wow, thanks for the compliment…

Quote 7: (From a kid I work with at school)

Kid: You know, I have to take the running test tomorrow.

Me: Oh yea?

Kid: Yea, I’m like the fastest in the class because I’m so little.

Me: Yea, I can see that. You probably only have like 3% body fat.

Kid: What does that mean?

(I go on to explain how there are minimum amounts of body fat that each person has to have to survive. I then explain how women have more fat, and one of the reasons is that they bear children and their extra fat helps keep the baby warm).

Kid: Oh yea! My mom has TONS of fat on her belly! I must’ve been soo warm!

Me:…Ummm (thinking, oh crap!!)….ummm…yea, you can’t really say that about your mom.

Kid: But…but you just said that it was a good thing to have the extra fat!

Me: Yea, but you just can’t say that. Women are sensitive about their weight.

Kid: ?????

Hope you enjoyed those and they brought a smile to your day!