Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Free Haircuts For All!!!

Remember how I LOVE deals?

This pretty much translates to every area of my life.

So I’m sure you can believe this also translates to my little dogs. Sometimes, I really feel bad for my poor dogs.

I had never really PLANNED on cutting their hair.

When we got dogs? I totally hadn’t had a dog for like a decade, so naturally I forgot that they shed.

We adopted Nariz (black dog) first and had her for about 6 months. Then one day, I looked down at the carpet and I experienced Sheer. Horror.

My face got all contorted and hideous when thick black chucks of her hair were rolling up into balls and getting stuck under my toes.

What. The. Crap???


I soooo went out that day to purchase a dog-hair cutting kit for her.

She is part border collie and is supposed to have long hair. Do you know that that dog doesn’t ever look like a border collie? The longest I allow her hair to get is 2 inches long.

Then? She gets chopped.

Fast forward.

We had had Nariz for about a year when we decided to get a second. This is when we got Nala (yellow dog).

And then to my extreme excitement and joy (read: to my extreme anger and digust) we found out that she sheds worse than Nariz.

Therefore, you can imagine that I really have to stay on top of cutting her hair to avoid having dog hair around my house.

So the first few times I cut the dog’s hair, I must admit, they did not look stellar.

But at least it was free, right?

I started to get better at it, and really the only part of their body where you could tell that they hadn’t been cut professionally was on their back, where the haircutting shears would leave comb stripes.

Not too bad, if I do say so myself.

But then? Yesterday happened.

About a week ago, I realized that Nala was started to shed, so I (like the amazing dog-mom that I am) decided to cut her hair.

I get her all prepped and move her to the kitchen.

I make sure I give her lots of affection since she hates getting her hair cut.

Then I begin the cutting. But I realize that the setting I chose wasn’t really cutting her fur.

So what was my decision? Go down a size.

Problem: I wasn’t really paying attention and I went WAYYYY down in size.

I slide the cutters across her back and look in amazement as I realize I have shaved an ENTIRE STRIPE all the way down her back that is so close to her skin that it looks like she has no fur.

I have no choice.

The rest of her hair has to go.

As I am cutting, I am half cracking up/half crying on the inside because I realize once Brandon sees her? He’s going to freak out.

I manage to cut all of her fur around her body, and then get to her face.

Here’s the problem: Nala’s undercoat is a very light blonde. Her top coat? A strawberry blonde.

I couldn’t figure out how to cut her face fur without totally cutting her eyeball off or de-whiskering her.

So …I Left the fur.

Then I got to her tail.

At this point, she was so wiggly and so done with her haircut that I just cut half of it, and then let it be.

Getting the picture?


Brandon walked to the kitchen and immediately FREAKED OUT! “What did you do to my dog????”

Me: “Ummmm…????”

Brandon: “Seriously! She looks like a hairless rat, but with a mask on her face. And her tail looks like it went through meat grinder!!!!”

Me: “Brandon! Don’t be mean to her! She doesn’t know how ugly she looks!”

Brandon: “Of course she doesn’t know. But I know! People are going to think we abuse this dog. We can’t take her outside. She looks HOMELESS.”

Me: “Ummmm…????”


So the dog looks horrible. Like one of those creepy hairless cats you always see that haunt your nightmares. Like this guy:

(Picture from Google Images--

And this? Really cracks me. She just looks so helpless in her hideousness.

Poor dogs.

They really should find new owners.

Someone who isn’t so cheap and will just pay for a professional groomer.


As you can see, her face and bottom half of her legs have fur. The rest of her? Not so much (except for the random patches of fur I didnt cut on her body either...) You can kinda see how gangly her tail looks. Rough times, dog. Rough times.

In case you forgot, this is what she is supposed to look like. Furry and beautiful.