Yesterday I almost chopped my hand off.
I know you are all so surprised, given this blog post I wrote about all my catastrophes.
But this time it wasn’t my fault.
You see, my crazy little black dog (Nariz) HATES getting her toenails cut.
So, naturally I cut the yellow dog’s nails first. She is all cooperative and wonderful.
And then I get to Nariz.
I try to allow her to stand on her own while I cut.
She is all squirmy and growly, so then I have to flip her over onto my lap where she is laying on her back and I have access to her toenails.
That lasts for about 2 cuts, and then she’s all squirmy and growly again.
I get a few more toes in, and then it happens.
I go to cut her nail and she yanks away so quickly that my hands slips and….I freaking CHOP my hand with the nail cutters.
And these aren’t normal nail clippers.
No, no, no.
These are the really expensive, really sharp ones.
You see, we used to have the ‘el cheapo’ version of dog nail clippers.
But seeing that Nariz hates it so much, we had to get something that worked really well so that her toes would be cut in one slice and we wouldn’t have to fight her so much.
Well that’s all grand and great if you’re cutting a dog toenail.
But then what happens when those extra sharp toenail clippers slip and slice a human’s hand?
Well, you end up with a super deep gash.
That is bleeding everywhere.
But of course, you realize that you won’t be able to get the dog pinned down long enough again to cut her toes, so you scream for your husband to “freaking get his butt in here!!”
He has no idea you’ve been cut, and doesn’t know what you want, but you are immediately grouchy that he can’t read your mind.
Finally you give in and tell him you want him to hold the dog so you can cut her stupid fingernails and then nurse your wound.
He is then grouchy that you yelled at him for no reason.
You are still grouchy that you are in pain so you don’t care that he is grouchy.
You both hold down the dumb dog to try to cut her nails. She of course tried to bite the nail clippers on several occasions and the other dog has shoved her face in the way so she could check out what was going on.
Yes, thank you, yellow dog. That is very helpful. Please just be another obstacle to cutting black dog’s nails. You are wonderful.
Finally you get the dog’s nails cut.
And you go to the backroom to disinfect and put 1000 bandaids on your wound.
And then tell you husband you are mortally wounded and therefore can’t POSSIBLY do the dishes because you don’t want to get water in your cut.
So he does them.
I guess the day was victorious in the end…After all, I did convince my husband to do dishes:):)