Thursday, October 7, 2010

Trying Not To Drop It

You guys ever seen the movie She’s All That?

Remember, it was that movie with Freddie Prinze Jr. (Zack) and Rachael Leigh Cook (Laney) about the nerdy girl Laney who ends up dating popular guy Zack?


That isn’t even what this post is about.

Except, one scene in that movie keeps playing over and over in my mind.

Remember how much pressure Zack’s dad kept putting on him to choose a college? He was so smart and he knew he had to choose, but he couldn’t.

So what did he do? Well, the same thing any of us rational beings would do. He played hacky sack on a stage as a performance and chanted to himself: ‘Don’t drop it, Zack! You’re life depends on it. Everyone is counting on you. Don’t drop the hackey sack!!’

Wait, maybe the rest of us WOULDN’T do that.

Anyway. If you have no freaking idea what I’m talking about, you can go here and watch it. Then come back.

So the point is, even though the scene is weird, it is the scene that just keeps going through my brain over and over again.

The balancing act he has to perform is really reminding me a lot of my life.

I feel like there is so much pressure on me at all times.

I have pressure to do well at my masters.

I have pressure to get all of my papers and research done on time.

I have pressure to do well at my practicum.

I have pressure to be responsible and do well at my job.

I have pressure to be a good wife (which is self-imposed, by the way).

I have pressure to remember all of my schedule changes that come up daily.

I have pressure to make sure that the interventions I am doing with kids are actually effective.

The list could go on…

But the problem is, I have so much pressure building up, I am just waiting for something to drop.

For something to happen which is just going to blow the whole thing open and reveal to everyone that I couldn’t handle all of my responsibilities.

And I keep picturing this hacky scene.

Eventually, the hacky sack has to drop.

That’s the same thing with being overburdened. When every day is a fight to stay awake or even stay on top of all my responsibilities, at some point I am going to forget to do one of them.

And I am going to have to decide how I am going to react.

I recognize that with my plate so full? Not everything can be stellar all the time.

So what am I going to do when something finally drops?

I’m not sure.

But I’m hoping that whatever it is? It’s not too life altering.

Because honestly, that would just add another layer of stress and worry to the already overwhelming cycle.

Which would just be wonderful.